Educator Rune Longoria was kind enough to guest post for us, and we are so excited to hear their thoughts!
We’ve talked about toys that didn’t fit our bodies or meet our expectations in the past. We’ve acknowledged that toys are often designed and marketed to an idea of the average woman, but that ideal does not always match our lived experiences.
Ableism, fatphobia, a lack of trauma informed staff in brick-and-mortar stores, any one of these things can keep a person from returning to “try again”. And if anyone reads this and cries “Snowflake! Safe space!”, they can eat a big bag of thumbtacks.
I didn’t eat out in restaurants or shop in store for YEARS because of some humiliating incidents with well-intentioned but ignorant staff. No one has any idea what you’ve gone through, what it took for you to be alive right now. Instead of wasting time trying to justify and nudge a little lump of empathy to the surface, focus your energy on your gorgeous self.
Check over this list and see if an issue you’ve encountered in the past with toys might be accommodated with a different product!
“My hands hurt holding a regular little bullet”
Aria Erotic AF
I can’t be the only person who starts to experience shooting pains in my hands and wrist from holding a tiny bullet for more than a couple minutes. Especially those little buzzy ones that eventually make your junk feel itchy and numb at the same time.
I love the rechargeable Aria Erotic AF for its convenient silicone grip (which I’ve since learned is called a “finger fin”) and rumbly vibrations. It fits between any two fingers and tucks against your palm, so you don’t have to endure the agony of the claw grip to get off. The variety of speeds and patterns will keep your clit engaged (not numb!) for many years to come, thanks to the 5-year warranty from Blush.
“I get out of breath bouncing on a dildo”
Fantasy For Her Love Thrust-Her Self-Heating Mini Sex Machine with Suction Cup Base
Maybe you don’t just get out of breath. Maybe your bum knee or the screws in your back scream in a bad way when you hit that perfect angle with your suction cup dildo. Or maybe you’re a freaking queen and you just want to lie there and get fucked? Me too!
The Thrust-Her features a non-realistic penetrating attachment in a modest size that also vibrates and warms, controlled with a button at the base of the toy or a cordless remote. Its suction cup has a handy feature where you can “lock” it on to a surface and adjust to your preferred angle of penetration. 7 patterns of vibration and 7 patterns of thrusting mean that you can really explore what you enjoy without straining your perfect but achy body.
Pipedream Products really impressed with me this rechargeable beauty, though I am slightly confused on the language “in or out of water”. Does that mean submersible? No clue. It’s definitely waterproof. If y’all do some experimenting, PP has a 60-day warranty for it.
“Loud sounds freak me out”
ZALO Legend Series Bess 2 Heating Clitoral Massager with 4 Attachments
Folks can be sensitive to sounds for all kinds of reasons! Some of us are neurodivergent or prone to migraines or have survived trauma that affects our comfort in noisy environments.
Have you heard of misophonia? According to Harvard Health, “People with misophonia are affected emotionally by common sounds — usually those made by others, and usually ones that other people don’t pay attention to. The examples above (breathing, yawning, or chewing) create a fight-or-flight response that triggers anger and a desire to escape.”
The last place I want to experience a fight-or-flight response is butt naked in bed, and especially not with company present.
The Bess 2 has 8 vibration modes and at top intensity is capped at 40 decibels. Google says that’s equivalent to the sounds of a quiet library. Having been shushed in many a library, I can confidently say that’s pretty darn quiet.
It’s also incredibly elegant in design and function, with 4 different attachments to alter how the toy interacts with your body. No batteries necessary, because I respect y’all too much to recommend a battery-operated product in this price range. ZALO USA has also blessed customers with a 1-year warranty in addition to that quiet thunder for your secret garden.
“I need support and pillows aren’t cutting it”
Liberator Pulse Hands-Free Sex Toy Mount for 1 or 2 Toy
I say this with complete sincerity: I wish I had this when I was younger.
I didn’t have all these back and hip issues in my youth, but I spent way too much time contorting myself in positions that left me sore and grumpy. I told myself even if I didn’t have an orgasm, at least I got an ab workout. This pillow would have saved me so much pain and with all its delightful features I could have gotten a lot more pleasure.
Magical qualities like a pocket for an external vibrator, a second pocket for dildos, and a curved shape to facilitate rocking, thrusting, grinding your way to ecstasy. A machine washable cover for messy jessies and a moisture proof inner liner for those who gush like geysers ensures you have a sanitary and stylish love pillow with or without additional vibrators.
“It’s none of your business why, but rabbits don’t work with my body.”
Gvibe³ Anatomical Massager
You don’t have to tell anyone why a traditional rabbit shape doesn’t work with your body. An elongated shaft with a smaller clitoral stimulator might do wonders for the gal next door, but leaves you frustrated or in actual pain. You still deserve dual clitoral and vaginal stimulation if you so desire. Don’t downgrade to a battery operated remote with double bullets, give the Gvibe³ a shot!
With its unique shape and 3 motors, you’ve been gifted a true Swiss army knife of a toy. Pinch the two ends together for vaginal penetration, or just insert one tip and use the other for clit stimulation. Flip it around and give your backdoor a friendly knock! Surround your clit with bliss by trapping it between the two tips while a partner penetrates you. That 3rd motor in the shaft ensures that no matter how you position this toy, you’re getting phenomenal sensations, whether it’s the perineum, your partner’s prostate, the glorious double wishbone that is your clitoral nerve network- you can reach them all!
But if all you need is a high power, flexible rechargeable vibe for your g spot and clit, Gvibe³ has you covered. 2 hours of charging gives you up to 4 hours of sexy time, so I’m sure you’ll figure out how to use the 6 speeds and its unique shape to hit that Big O best.
About the Author
Rune Longoria is a queer, trans, Latin@ sex educator and intimacy consultant based on the border of Texas and Mexico. With 10 years of community health, LGBTQIA+, reproductive justice advocacy and education behind them, their goal is to empower and inspire ALL people to claim their pleasure radically and acknowledge consent openly, in every avenue of life. They also would appreciate including that asexuality is a spectrum that deserves acknowledgment and support within the pleasure industry.
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