10 Things Women Have To Give Up To Have Consistently Mind-Blowing Sex

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by Bez Stone

Sexual fulfillment for women usually isn’t about adding anything extra to sex. We’ve already piled heaps of “extra” on top of our raw sexuality: extra expectations and porn-inspired standards, extra makeup and lingerie that we think make us sexier, extra moaning as we try not to take too long to cum, extra smiles to assure our partner he’s doing a good job.

All that “extra” adds up to a lot of pressure. It clogs our enjoyment and weighs down our desire. It makes sex feels more like work than pleasure. And the last thing any woman on Earth needs is more work.

If you want to enjoy sex more, unleash your uninhibited desire, and be touched more satisfyingly, you need to give up these 10 things. Some of them will be obvious—they’ll feel easy to relinquish. Others may shock you—and they may take time and effort to eventually release. But they are all worth the effort. Because your sexual fulfillment matters.


1 – Having sex for your partner.

One of the most costly mistakes women make is having sex for our partners and their pleasure rather than for ourselves and our pleasure. Maybe, for some reason, our sex drive is lower than our partner’s. Maybe it wasn’t always. Maybe, now that we have kids, we don’t feel as sexy, or we just don’t have the energy. Or maybe, after years together, something has shifted in the relationship and we’re not even sure what it is. Whatever the case, we know our partner needs more sex than we do. So, in order to meet those needs, we have sex for them.

Months or years later, we realize we’ve utterly lost touch with our sexuality. On the rare occasions that we do have sex, we feel relieved when it’s over because it’s “out of the way.” Sex feels more like work than pleasure and we don’t know why.

Except that we do.

The minute we stop having sex for our own enjoyment and start having it FOR someone else, sex turns into an obligation. It becomes another thing we must “give” to someone else in order to keep them happy.

Over time, we lose the ability to recognize autonomous desire in ourselves because sex has become something we do when it’s required and not when we feel eager to do so. If you want to experience true sexual fulfillment, you’ve got to stop having sex for your partner and start having it for you.

2 – Having sex “in order.”

You’ll hear me talk about it over and over again: Round-the-bases sex kills women’s libidos over time.

We were all taught that sex goes in order: First, you kiss, then you grope, moving on to the erogenous zones. There’s an option for oral sex that gets picked up every once in a while. Then there’s the home run, which many of us define as “successful” sex.

This order may seem logical—maybe you even have the impression that it “warms women up” for sex. It’s not, and it doesn’t. Instead, it locks our sexual experiences into a two-dimensional model that is boring at best and heartbreaking at worst.

Women over and over again ask me, “What’s wrong with me? Why don’t I enjoy sex?” And I tell them, “Nothing is wrong with you! It’s simply that running around the bases in an effort to reach home plate isn’t compelling or arousing for women.”

In fact, it can be exhausting. And when we reach “home,” we often think to ourselves, “Is that really it? There’s got to be more to great sex than that.”

There is more. And if we want it, we need to give up on sticking to any semblance of this “order” in sex and begin to approach it in a way that feels more like an uncharted adventure than a predictable baseball game.

3 – Thinking our bodies work the same way men’s do.

If you touch a man’s genitals, more often than not, they will feel pleasure.

For many women, this isn’t the case. At least, it isn’t for me, and it isn’t for many of my clients.

My partner and I were recently talking about the first time someone touched us “there.” Our stories started out the same way: It was awkward teenage groping and nobody really knew what was going on. I asked him, “But did it feel good?”

He broke into a smile and said, “Oh yeah! Of course it did!” with such enthusiasm that I realized our first times were, in fact, very different.

I, on the other hand, was equally excited and confused. For much of the time we spent touching, I didn’t feel anything. I think I moaned a little so that it would seem like I was enjoying myself—because it was supposed to feel good, right? I spent half the time worrying that I smelled bad. I certainly didn’t reach climax or feel immense pleasure.

Why is that?

As women, our sexual response is not what you’d call “direct.” This means that having someone stimulate our sex organs does not equal instant joy or orgasm. (In fact, it can sometimes produce the opposite result—pain, confusion, and a numbing to all sensation.)

Many of us worry this means there’s something wrong with us. Let me reassure youit does not. It simply means our bodies work differently than men’s do. When we understand and embrace the fluctuating, feminine experience of arousal and desire, we can stop feeling crazy and start enjoying being touched.

4 – Trying to be consistent.

Feminine desire has a mind of its own. It is not predictable, controllable, or consistent.

We can feel hot one minute and cold the next. This isn’t fickle or crazy, this is normal—for the feminine. Like the surging of the ocean or rapidly fluctuating weather patterns, women are in constant flux.

Our ever-changing nature is necessary for life itself. Give up trying to be consistent and instead allow your desires to ebb and flow. They’ll surge back in their own time.

5 – Trying to do it “right.”

I used to see sex as a proving ground. Every time I had sex, I thought my very worth as a woman hung in the balance. If I did it right—which meant I looked good, had an orgasm, made my partner happy, etc.—then I was verified a “good person” by the sex gods. If I didn’t do it right…well, then, I was a failure.

Sex is not a competition. It’s not something we can win or lose. It’s an exploration based in pleasure, not in proving ourselves. Forget about trying to do it right.

Instead, start seeing sex as an adventure. There is no “doing it right” in an adventure because the very nature of an adventure is that it’s unknown and full of twists and turns. Those twists and turns don’t spoil the adventure—they ARE the adventure!

If you want to be thrilled by your sex life, take a risk: Stop trying to do it right and instead start exploring with an open mind and the willingness to awkwardly, profoundly, enthusiastically mess up.

6 – Trying to fulfill someone else’s idea of sexiness.

Sexual fulfilment isn’t about looking good to someone else—it’s about feeling good in our own bodies. We often confuse the two.

When we’re concerned about how we look during sex, it often suggests we’re viewing sex as a performance instead of an experience. Entering performance mode during sex suffocates our desire because we’re stuck in our heads wondering if our butt looks too big or our boobs are sagging.

Forget about looking good. I promise you, it’s irrelevant to physical pleasure. Instead, focus on feeling good. (As it turns out, you feeling good is the most arousing thing for your sexual partner.)

7 – Staying in control.

Women talk to me every day about what they want in sex. The one thing I hear over and over again is, “I want to let go. I want to feel uninhibited and full of desire.”

The very nature of letting go is exactly that: You give up control. You stop holding on. You stop trying to steer the ship. You take your hands off the wheel and you choose to trust someone or something else.

If you want radical sexual fulfillment, you need to stop trying to control your sexual experiences, your partner’s happiness, or how big your butt looks. You won’t find fulfillment through control.

Is letting go scary? Absolutely. I’m a control freak, too. I’ve discovered the key to letting go is to create enough safety for me to feel comfortable relaxing and experimenting with relinquishing control—even just for a few minutes.

How? This is exactly what I teach couples how to do. If you want help, please reach out and we’ll talk.

8 – Waiting to be in “the right mood” for sex.

Popular culture portrays “the mood” for sex as something fragile and fickle, like a baby you tiptoe around so you don’t it wake up.

“Don’t spoil the mood!” “Use these hot tips to get in the mood.” This mindset perpetuates the falsehood that we’re either in “the mood” or we’re not, and if we aren’t in the mood, we can’t have sex.

This is not true. I tell my clients this: “Don’t get in the mood for sex; instead, learn to enjoy sex in exactly the mood you’re in.”

Getting in “the mood” implies that there is only one way to have sex and one mood that works for sex. This relegates our vast sexual experiences to one tiny sliver that we call “the mood.” I want more than one sliver, thank you very much. I want the whole spectrum!

In truth, there’s endless uncharted territory to explore sexually with ourselves and each other. And it’s in the outer reaches of this territory that we find the greatest sexual fulfillment.

9 – Faking it.

I’ve done it. You’ve probably done it at some point in your life: faking pleasure, faking orgasm, faking interest, faking that you’re super-turned on when you’re thinking about your taxes and whether or not you fed the cat.

We fake it because of our misguided belief that we are sexual performers who have sex for our partner’s benefit rather than ours.

As a performer, sure, faking it is part of the job description. As an empowered woman seeking sexual gratification, we sure don’t. Faking it, over time, does two damaging things to your sex life:

  • It encourages your partner to keep touching in ways that don’t produce genuine pleasure. This leaves him in the dark, which doesn’t give either of you what you want.
  • It turns sex into “work” (all that faking it takes effort, after all!), which speeds up your loss of interest in sex. Over time, you may forget why you even like sex. And you might forget that your partner actually wants to give you real pleasure—and is, in fact, capable of doing so.

You know this. This is bad. And the way to avoid it is to stop faking it. Instead, start being present and asking for what you really want during sex—even if it’s not what you think you’re supposed to want or feel.

10 – Being afraid to offend your partner.

The top reason women give as to why we tolerate touch we don’t actually enjoy is that we are afraid to offend our partner.

I have lived this; I understand. I used to have a partner who got offended even when I said something like, “F*ck me harder!” He would stop and huff, “Don’t tell me what to do!” Then we’d fight. Yes, that relationship ended badly.

Because of experiences like these, most of us have learned some version of “keep quiet to keep the peace” in bed. This yields very short-term gains (i.e., he’s not offended right now) but does long-term damage (i.e., you lose your sex drive, bristle when he touches you, and start thinking about having an affair).

Yes, you might offend your partner as you begin to share your needs and desires about sex. But you know what? He’s an adult. If he gets offended, I’m sure he will survive it. Keeping your feelings to yourself is going to end your relationship eventually. So you might as well be honest about your feelings while there’s still a chance you can save the relationship.

If you’ve got a hard truth to tell (for example, “You always touch me too hard and I don’t enjoy it”), it can help to first affirm the value of the relationship before you begin sharing your feelings, and also express why making the change you’re asking for matters to you.

“Our marriage really matters to me, and I want to have incredible sex with you.” And follow that up with, “I really want to relax and open up to you. Would you please touch me more gently? I want to show you how.”

Telling the truth in love is the best thing you can do. If your partner can’t accept loving, constructive criticism, that’s a problem that extends outside the bedroom. It might be time to consider getting professional help in addressing the deeper issues at play.

10 Things Women Have To Give Up To Have Consistently Mind-Blowing Sex by Bez Stone was originally published on MindBodyGreen


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7 Bizarre Victorian Era Sex Tips That Will Ruin Your Sex Life

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By Michael Stevens

Getting good advice comes in handy, especially in the bedroom. A few good tips can enhance your sex life in ways you never imagined, but taking the wrong advice will do the complete opposite.

You likely can remember a time when you received some not so good advice, but these primitive Victorian era tips are on a new level of ridiculousness. A book written by French physiologist Eugene Becklard, M.D., titled, Becklard’s Physiology: Physiological mysteries and revelations in love, courtship and marriage: an infallible guide-book for married and single persons, in matters of the utmost importance to the human race offer up the first piece of terrible advice.

That’s more than a mouthful, but If you get past the long ass title to actually read the tips, it gets worse. There are a few books that give tips that range from total foolery to misinformation and you’ll run across things like how wind patterns at the time of conception can influence your child’s temperament. That sounds plausible, right? Not!

Take a look at these ridiculous tips for yourself.


Masturbation stunts your growth

I’m over six-feet tall, but I’d be tall enough to be a big man in the NBA if I hadn’t discovered myself as a preteen if that were true.

Riding a horse was the Plan B pill.

Modern medicines have provided the world with the Plan B pill, that can be used in the event that you had a slip up with your partner and think you may become pregnant after a sexual encounter. It can be taken up to 72 hours after sex to prevent that from happening. Since there was no plan be during the victorian era, Becklard suggested at brisk horse trot down a rock road to prevent a potential pregnancy.

Children turn out like the parent that does this…

According to Becklard, the child will turn out to be more like the parent that has the best orgasm at the time of conception.

Bland food will prevent men from jacking off.

According to The Victorian Guide to Sex: Desire and Deviance in the 19th Century by Fern Riddell, it was believed that J.H. Kellogg created his famous bland cereal to suppress sexual appetites of men. It’s also advisable to avoid mustard, pepper, rich gravy, beer, wine, cider, and tobacco.

Flirting will get you a disease.

Henry Hanchett wrote a book titled Sexual Health: A Plain and Practical Guide for the People on All Matters Concerning the Organs of Reproduction in Both Sexes and All Ages. By comparison to other sexual thinkers of his time, Hanchett was actually a logical thinker. He believed that flirtatious women caused men to visit brothels, which would lead to the spread of diseases.

Wives should leave Husbands that kiss under the gown.

I guess foreplay is out of the question. Ruth Smythers authored a book titled INSTRUCTION AND ADVICE FOR THE YOUNG BRIDE on the Conduct and Procedure of the Intimate and Personal Relationships of the Marriage State for the Greater Spiritual Sanctity of this Blessed Sacrament and the Glory of God.

Wives should have sex with their husband as little as possible.

Yet another terrible tip from Ruth Smythers! I thought the point was to get married so you can have as much sex as you want without the fear of burning in Hell for eternity. But yet another terrible tip from Ruth Smythers says otherwise! This is because Smythers believes sex becomes the main focus and will overshadow other aspects of marriage.

With the kind of tips that these Victorian era sexperts were giving, I’d be surprised if they had any sex life at all. However, it was a completely different time, and the way of thinking wasn’t so liberal. Aren’t you glad you weren’t around to get your freak on back then?

7 Bizarre Victorian Era Sex Tips That Will Ruin Your Sex Life By Michael Stevens was originally published on VIX.


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20 Essential Truths That Women Over 50 Want To Share With Younger Women

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Do you know that there’s something that happens to a woman when she turns 50?

Call it an awakening of sorts; or, for so many, a tipping point.

It’s as if a cloud has been lifted and you’re finally able to see what really matters in life.

The realization hits you hard that you’ve been on this earth for a half a century and that your time is limited.

There’s a feeling of both freedom and urgency that happens with this coming of age.

It’s an opportunity to ruthlessly analyze your life: where you’ve succeeded and where you’ve failed, opportunities you’ve passed up and those that you’ve taken advantage of, what about yourself and your life that you love and what you want to change; and most importantly, how you want to journey through this next phase of your life.

In looking back to my 20s, 30s, or 40s, I wish a wiser and older woman had taken the time to offer me a road map for creating a life of meaning, creativity, and joy.

It would have saved me a lot of wasted time, confusion, and worry. And it would have given me clarity, a sense of calm, focus, and self-assuredness as I journeyed through this very complex world of ours.

Here are 20 Essential Truths that I want to share with women under 50.


1 – Make yourself your #1 priority.

If you tend to your own well-being first, you’ll have significantly more energy to be able to help others when needed. Because women have historically taken on the role of caretakers, it’s something we do reflexively. Remember that practicing self-care is not selfish. It’s a necessity if you want to lead a rich and productive life.

2 – Commit to developing a healthy lifestyle.

Although our culture talks a lot about minimizing stress, the majority of us are still leading stressful lives. When you wrap your arms around the fact that 95 percent of all diseases are related to lifestyle choices, it may shock you into realizing that stress, exercise, nutrition, and relationships are the pillars of healthy living. The best news of all is that once you integrate these elements into your daily life, you’ll be awed by how much more productive, positive, and healthy you feel—and experience a profound sense of well-being.

3 – Surround yourself with friends and family that love you and support your growth.

How many times have you spent time with a friend or colleague who is negative, judgmental, or an energy vampire? Stop making excuses for keeping toxic people in your life. Anyone who consistently is not loving and supportive needs to be deleted or kept at a distance. Remember, your 5 closest friends are a mirror of what you truly think of yourself. Make sure that they embody attributes and values you cherish .

4 – Learn to say ‘no’.

This is difficult for a lot of women to do; whether when taking on extra tasks at work or at your kids’ schools, or in relationship with your children, spouse, or friends. It takes practice to catch yourself in the process of getting ready to say ‘yes’ reflexively. But once you get the hang of not automatically saying ‘yes, you’re on your way to learning to say ‘no’ in a skillful and firm manner. You’ll be delighted at how doing this will free up your schedule and energy to do things that you really want to pursue.

5 – Delete ‘I should’ from your vocabulary.

As soon as you hear yourself silently or out loud say those two words, stop and question ‘why’. The people who fill their lives up with stuff that they think they ‘should do’ rarely feel fulfilled and content. Replace “I should” with “I choose to” or “I want” and see what you come up with. I bet you’ll be pleasantly surprised with the results.

6 – Replace automatic negative thoughts in your brain with positive thoughts.

Women spend so much time questioning if they’re good enough, smart enough, pretty enough, etc. As soon as you hear any inner critical voice judging you, replace it with the phrase: “I am enough”, or “I am the artist of my life.” It may sound too easy of a solution but I can’t tell you how many clients have tried this technique with astounding results. They report back to me that they feel like a weight has been lifted off of their shoulders and that their self-perception has been dramatically improved.

7 – Love and accept yourself.

Although you may not yet believe it, you’re a beautiful and loving soul. Look at yourself in your bathroom mirror each morning (really look) and say ‘good morning’ and ‘I love you’. It may sound hokey but the more you do it, the more you’ll come to appreciate who you authentically are. You’ll be awed at the beauty and self-love your discover by doing this simple exercise each morning.

8 – Develop a daily gratitude practice.

It literally takes 5 minutes to integrate a gratitude practice into your daily life. I love sitting in the morning with a notebook and taking stock of what I’m grateful for. Whatever comes to my mind, I write down in a quick list format. The key to getting the most bang for your buck from this exercise is to allow yourself to experience the feeling of gratitude. For example, if you’re truly grateful for the delicious cup of fresh morning coffee you’re drinking, take a deep breath and ‘feel gratitude’ for that cup of coffee.

9 – Work on self-awareness.

Becoming familiar with your moods, motivations and deepest desires are critical if you want to live a meaningful, abundant, and productive life. Rather than walking through your day mindlessly, check in with yourself every few hours and see what emotion you’re experiencing. If you have a strong negative reaction to something, take note of it and figure out why. Also, earmark when you’re feeling pleasure, fun, joy, spirituality, and creative interludes: You’ll want to add more of these abundant positive experiences into your life.

10 – Take responsibility for your life.

Blaming external circumstances on not being happy with yourself or your life will keep you stuck, frustrated, and angry. Catch your inner critical voice reflexively saying: “If only I…..”, or blaming others when something isn’t going smoothly. Replace those voices with “I am responsible for my own life and I choose to create an extraordinary one.”

11 – Believe in your own abilities.

Once you own that you have the power and ability to create a life that you deeply desire, you’ll be shocked at what happens. You’ll experience—deep in your soul—the power you possess which, in turn, will inspire you to make changes. You’ll also understand that there is a solution to practically everything and that you have the ability to figure it out.

12 – Stop worrying what other people think of you.

Girls are taught from the time they’re young to seek approval from others. If you’re someone who needs acceptance from others, it’s time to change that. Spending time on such a trivial activity will not only drain your energy but will keep you from getting to the best parts of yourself. When you catch yourself in a ‘self-doubt’ mode, call on your wise inner-self to embrace the younger, less secure self and remind her that she needs only to please and receive approval from herself and no one else.

13 – Become a better listener.

You’ll always learn more from listening than you will from talking. Whether with an old friend, a stranger, a family member, or in business, learn the art of listening and asking just a few well thought-out questions. Becoming an excellent listener will enable you to develop more intimate and deeper connections. You’ll also have more interesting conversations and it will keep your mind active and growing.

14 – Maintain a beginner’s mind.

We live in a culture that places a high priority on expertise and productivity. If you want to live a rich, creative, and fun life, you need to expose yourself to new endeavors—where you’ll obviously be a beginner. And even in an arena where you do have expertise, there’s always more to learn and do. So let go of perfectionism and needing to be an expert at something and learn how to take on a beginner’s mind. It will open up so many possibilities for you.

15 – Practice forgiveness.

So many of us are holding deep grudges and hurt inside—even when apologies have taken place. The inability to forgive others is usually a sign of not being able to forgive yourself. Catch your inner voice making critical or angry comments about others— knowing that what you’re feeling towards them is actually a reflection of how you feel about yourself. Just by noting your feelings and telling yourself to “Let it go”, you’ll be surprised at how quickly your feelings of anger and judgment towards yourself and others dissipates. You’ll go from feeling hurt, isolated, and stuck to experiencing a rush of positive energy, relief, openheartedness, and compassion.

16 – Own and develop your creativity.

Our culture has led us to believe that only a designated percentage of women are creative. Not true! You were born creative: it’s your birthright. Find ways to exercise your creativity muscles and of integrating it into your everyday life (my book, Digging Deep: Unearthing Your Creative Roots Through Gardening, is a perfect vehicle for teaching you how to experience a creative and joyful life.)

17 – Spend time in nature.

Nature is one of the more profound ways to de-stress, clear your mind of clutter, jump-start creativity, and experience feelings of well-being, calm, and awe. Even if you have only have 20 minutes a day to take a walk and awaken your senses, you’ll quickly discover the magical benefits it has in all areas of your life.

18 – Practice mindfulness.

We’ve been led to believe that in order to have success in our lives, we need to multi-task from the moment we wake up until we go to bed at night. To the contrary. When you slow down and practice being present and focused each moment, you’ll experience a deeper, richer, and more meaningful life. A good way to begin practicing mindfulness is to stop whatever you’re doing, sit still, clear your mind, and take 3 deep breaths.

19 – Create The Life Of Your Dreams.

Even if you have moments of self-doubt, let your ‘wise self’ remind the ‘less confident self’ that you’re highly intelligent and creative with the desire to experience an impactful life. The truth is this: if you set your mind to it, believe in yourself, and take action, you’ll find the way to create an extraordinary life. Don’t let anyone tell you otherwise!

20 – Don’t take yourself too seriously.

Life is a paradox. On one hand, leading a meaningful life is serious business; on the other hand, not really. Knowing how to integrate fun, laughter, and playfulness into your everyday life is not only a tonic for the soul but is shown to jump-start creativity and enables you to develop deeper connections with others. Think about it: after you’ve had a good laugh, don’t you feel more light-hearted, happier, and able to continue your day with more ease

20 Essential Truths That Women Over 50 Want To Share With Younger Women by Author, Transformational Coach, and Inspirational Speaker Fran Sorin originally appeared on Huffington Post

 

11 Ordinary Things Women Weren’t Allowed To Do In The ’50s And ’60s

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Photo courtesy of Wikimedia Commons

 

In school, we all learned about how hard women worked to earn their right to vote during the suffrage movement, before the constitutional amendment was finally passed in 1920. But that’s just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to an entire gender being faced with oppression over the years.

We’re obviously still battling against several issues today, but seeing the things my mother and grandmother were forced to endure has really opened my eyes. I mean, I always knew things were different back in the day, but I can’t believe how long it took for a wife to not be legally classified as “subordinate” to her husband — much less, how difficult it was for a single gal to get her own bank account and credit card.

Some of these setbacks were cleared up in the 1970s and ’80s, but I was shocked by how recently a few of these restrictions were still in place.


  1. Open A Bank Account

At least, not without their husband or a male relative’s permission until the Equal Credit Opportunity Act of 1974

  1. Serve Jury Duty

Slowly, states separately allowed women to sit in the jury box over the years until Mississippi finally became the last state to legalize it in 1968.

  1. Practice Law

Even if they had gone through all the years of school and passed every test, women could still be denied the right to plead a client’s case until 1971.

  1. Take Birth Control Pills

The contraceptive was approved in 1960, but it was still banned in several states for the next few years

  1. Go On Maternity Leave

If they were able to have a job, they most often lost it when they became pregnant until the Pregnancy Discrimination Act of 1978.

  1. Breastfeed In Public

Public areas were still able to prohibit mothers from breastfeeding until a bill was finally passed by Congress, making this discrimination illegal.

  1. Attend An Ivy League University

Harvard would not allow women applicants until 1977, but Yale and Princeton were only slightly ahead by admitting their first female students in 1969.

  1. Attend A Military Academy

The first female students at West Point Academy were not accepted until 1976.

  1. Run The Boston Marathon

The legendary marathon was an all-male event until 1972.

  1. Serve In Combat

Despite all of the hard work women have put into the military for decades, they weren’t allowed on the front lines until very recently in 2013.

  1. Become An Astronaut

NASA denied women until Sally Ride broke the mold in 1978.


Did you remember all of these things that women were being held back from? Did we forget something from our list? Let us know in the comments and be sure to SHARE with your friends
11 Ordinary Things Women Weren’t Allowed To Do In The ’50s And ’60s By Jess Catcher originally appeared on Little Things

 

 

 

6 Self Love Positions That Prove You Don’t Need a Partner to Have a Good Time

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BuzzFeed conducted a survey that found an estimated at 87 percent of women indulge in masturbation. No big shocker, there — we kinda already knew that most ladies are into the healthy activity, because, well, it’s a damn good time.

And not only is masturbation fun and convenient, it can actually perk up your sex life all around.

“Women who masturbate are more likely to have orgasms during partnered sex, and we believe that this finding is related to an increase in comfort and knowledge with regard to her body,” says Jessica O’Reilly, Ph.D., author of The Little Book of Kink. “By experimenting with different positions, you can discover new pathways to orgasm and stave off the sexual ruts that arise due to repetition and monotony.”

To that we say, “Giddy up.” Here are some ways to get creative with your me time.


1 – Over The Hump

How you do it: Start by lying on the bed on your stomach, using a pillow or two to support your stomach and hips. Use your hands or a toy (or both!) between your body and the pillow to rev things up.

Why it’s awesome: “The pillows angle your hips up, which opens up new sensationsIt also uses the tension of your leg muscles, which can feel very different for you,” Katz says.

 

2 – Opening Up

How you do it: Sit on a chair that doesn’t have arms, like a dining room or folding chair. Tuck your feet and ankles around the chair legs, leaving your legs open.

Why it’s awesome: “It provides much more access to all of the delicious bits between your legs, and when you climax, you can brace your legs against the chair legs. By exposing more parts of your vulva, you will experience some new — and sometimes even more intense — sensations than you usually do,” Katz says.

 

3 – The Leg Shaver

How you do it: In the shower, place one foot on the side of the tub or shower seat, allowing full open access to your vulva. (If you don’t have anything to prop your foot on, simply lean back against a wall and move one knee to the side.) Use your fingers or use the removable showerhead stream to tease, or pick up your favorite water-resistant vibrator for guaranteed orgasms. Or rotate among all three!

Why it’s awesome: “Masturbating while standing is an awesome position style that too many women ignore,” says Sadie Allison, Ph.D., author of Tickle Your Fancy: A Woman’s Guide to Self-Pleasure. “The Leg Shaver not only gives you great access to your vulva and vagina, but it also lends itself to a little leg and core muscle toning, as you need to work a little harder to keep your body weight vertical. This, in turn, naturally flexes your pelvic floor muscles, offering more sensation to the ‘feel-good’ nerves in your genitals’ erectile tissue.

 

4 – Superstar

How you do it: Begin on your knees on the bed, or another soft and comfy surface, with your upper body upright. Gently open your knees to a position that feels comfortable for you. Supporting yourself with one arm, you can lean back or lean forward to hold onto a headboard or the wall.

Why it’s awesome: “Because you can modify this in so many ways — changing angles, using multiple toys for penetration and/or external stimulation — you can discover new spots and new things that get your motor going. Leaning forward and back can provide new sensations, and it allows you to open up the rest of your body for exploration and play with your fingers, toys, even nipple clamps. Experiment and have fun,” Katz says.

 

5 – The Solo Snake

How you do it: Lie on your stomach and grind your pelvic bone and clitoris against a hand or a vibrating toy beneath you.

Why it’s awesome: “The weight of your body adds extra friction against the hood of your clitoris, and the back-and-forth grinding strokes the shaft of your clitoris as it becomes erect,” O’Reilly says.

 

6 – On Your Knees

How you do it: Keeping your knees wide open, kneel on the floor or the bed. Use this position to press and ride a firm surface beneath you, like a toy, the mattress, a pillow or your hand.

Why it’s awesome: “You can rock back and forth, slide forward and backward, or roll the hips in a circular fashion according to your own preferences,” O’Reilly says. “In this position, the extra blood flow to your pelvic region can help with both arousal and orgasm.”

 
6 Masturbation Positions That Prove You Don’t Need a Partner to Have a Good Time by Jamie Beckman was originally published on SheKnows.

 


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Hooking Up? 4 Things You Should Bring With You for a Successful Hook Up

By Tiffy Kink (guest Sex Blogger/ Sex Toy Reviewer) of Aquakink.com

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Hookups are meant be an exciting new adventure that can be fun and pleasure-filled for both parties involved. However, if you fail to plan, you plan to fail –  Meaning, you may not get to enjoy your hookup the way you want to if you don’t bring the right stuff.

So here is a list of 4 things you should bring with you that can help lead to a successful hook-up.

1 – Consent and a Positive Attitude

Of course it’s a given that you’re going to hookup with someone that consent is already assumed right?

But consent is not just about meeting up and getting’ it on. It’s also about all the stuff in between. The different styles of sex you or your partner may want to have or new things they or you may want to try that may be unfamiliar.

Consent is also about having a clear line of communication and not being afraid to let your partner know what you want, when you want it, how you want it, and when you have had enough. Consent is the most important aspect to a successful hookup.

2 – Condoms

Another given, especially if you’re hooking up with someone and you don’t know their status or you do know their status.

Condoms are great for protection against pregnancy, STD’s, and STI’s. Picking out condoms can be a little tricky if you don’t know the size of your partner, he is well-endowed, or you just don’t know what he likes.

When in doubt, ask your partner what condoms he likes or simply ask him to buy some. No shame in asking.

Here are my condom recommendation(s).

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3 – Lube

Lube makes everything sexier.

It makes sex more slippery (in a good way of course!), more comfortable, and even more delicious. Adding lube to sex just makes things better. Adding too much lube on the other hand, can make things sticky and too slippery to enjoy the all fun. So always remember the golden rule: Always start with a little, then add more if needed.

Here are my lube recommendations.

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4 – A Vibrator

Sex toys are great for spicing things up in the bedroom or wherever you plan to get it on.

Vibrators are great for adding some extra stimulation to you and your partner’s favorite pleasure zones or even experiencing new sensations and finding new sweet spots together.

Here are my personal recommendations:

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Always remember that having a positive attitude usually leads to getting a positive outcome. Keeping the door open for communication and open-mindedness is key. Know your limits and don’t be afraid to express them to your partner. Always practice safe sex.

*If you liked what you read, you can read more of Tiffy Kink’s work at Aquakink.com


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Why Sex Gets Better With Age

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Aging is generally associated with improvements in our quality of life: We become more proficient in our work, learn how to manage our finances better, and our bonds with loved ones deepen. With time and practice, most of the core domains of our lives improve as we develop skills and strategies to manage our lives with more mastery. An exception to this pattern is the quality of our sex lives, which has consistently been reported to deteriorate with age.

While this fits with the messages we receive from popular culture, which tell us that sex is a young person’s domain, it is somewhat at odds with the fact that older adults continue to explore and enjoy sexuality well into old age. The majority of men and women over 60 in the U.S. are sexually active, most at least two to three times per month (more often than many younger adults). They also rate sex as an important part of life.

So, if there is no epidemic of age-related frigidity, why would sexual quality of life take a nosedive in later life? A common answer to this question cites declining physical health and sexual functioning with age. Another answer might be: The quality of our sex lives doesn’t decline with age.

Studying sex and aging

There is a key element missing from nearly all studies of sex and aging: studying change over time. If we ask a group of people how satisfied they are with their sex life, and the younger people are more satisfied than the older people, does that mean that aging is responsible for this difference? What if instead the apparent age difference is because people born in the 1930s have different attitudes toward sex than people who grew up after the sexual revolution of the ‘60’s and ‘70’s?

To get to the bottom of how aging affects sexual quality of life, we analyzed patterns in longitudinal data collected from over 6,000 individuals followed over a period of 18 years, spanning ages 20-93. In 1995, 2004, and 2013, the representative sample of English-speaking Americans completed extensive self-administered survey questionnaires in private and returned them by mail.

A key question for our study was: How would you rate the sexual aspects of your life these days, from the worst possible situation (0) to the best possible situation (10)?

The basic trends in the data suggested that—without taking any other factors into account—sexual quality of life declines with age. But as people in the study aged, they placed more emphasis on the quality—not quantity—of sexual encounters. For example, frequency of sex became less important with age, and the amount of thought and effort invested in sex became more important.

These changing priorities were key predictors of sexual quality of life for older adults, and appeared to buffer its decline. When we matched older and younger adults on key characteristics of their sex lives—along with sociodemographic characteristics, and mental and physical health—older adults actually had better sexual quality of life.

For example, if we compared a 40-year-old man and a 50-year-old man with the same levels of perceived control over their sex life, who invest the same amount of thought and effort in their sex life, have sex with the same frequency and had the same number of sexual partners in the past year, we would expect the 50-year-old to report better sexual quality of life.

This is consistent with the improvement we see in other life domains with age, and highlights the benefits of life experience for sexuality as people learn more about their sexual preferences and their partners’ likes and dislikes. The positive relationship between sexual quality of life and aging was strongest in the context of good-quality romantic relationships, where sexual exploration and a focus on partners’ pleasure is more likely to take place.

Life experience related to a better sex life

Together these findings suggest that as we age, our sexual priorities change and we develop knowledge, skills, and preferences that protect against aging-related declines in sexual quality of life. Since wisdom is “the quality of having experience, knowledge, and good judgment,” our study suggests that life experience is fostering sexual wisdom.

This is great news, as a satisfying sex life has been found to be important for health and well-being, regardless of age. For older adults in particular, being sexually active predicts a longer and healthier life.

We now know that age-related declines in sexual quality of life are largely related to modifiable factors, so we can target sexual skills, beliefs, and attitudes in clinical interventions. Given that our life expectancy continues to grow, this research highlights the opportunity to facilitate positive sexual experiences across the lifespan.

 

Why Sex Gets Better In Old Age by Miri Forbes, Robert Krueger, Nicholas Eaton was originally published on Huffington Post


 

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13 Types of Kissers We’ve All Come Across

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It’s International Kissing Day today (July 6) and, on this day more than any other, there can be no denying that nothing beats a good snog.

Forget a peck on the cheek or a neck nibble, if you want to seal the romance deal then there’s no better way to do it than to pucker up and dive right in.

However, sadly, when it comes to kissing there is no guarantee they’re all going to be gooduns’ – and the way you lock lips can say a lot about you as a person.

From proverbial washing machines to sloppy snoggers – here are 13 types of kissers we’ve all come across.

1. The biter

Rough, aggressive, urgent and painful.

The biter thinks it’s sexy to chew half your lip off.

It’s not.

2. Stubble guy

Talking of painful, nothing says ‘feel the burn’ like a 20-minute drunkard snog fest with a bloke with a couple of days’ growth on his chin.

3. The garlic eater

Morning breath is one thing – and even the most sweet-smelling of people will, at some point in their life, face the ‘is there time to brush my teeth before he wakes up’ conundrum.

But, when it comes to general oral aroma, there’s no excuse for smelling like someone just took a s**t in your mouth at eight in the evening.

4. The washing machine

Round and round and round and round and rou …

One motion, on repeat – schoolboy error, literally.

5. The sucker

Ain’t no such thing as a sexy mother sucker – and feeling like you’ve stuck your tongue in a Hoover, is, at best, uncomfortable, at worst, just downright bloody weird.

6. The cave

Also known as the person who doesn’t use their tongue.

Either OCD when it comes to saliva exchange or practising their film kiss.

Either way, not sexy and worryingly telling about their future bedroom performance.

(Yes, it goes in.)

7. The noisy kisser

Who sounds like they are about to climax after a 30-second snog.

Grunts, groans, squeaks and more mmmms than a soft porn movie.

8. The lizard

Darting in and out with a tight mouth and a pointy little tongue.

What nightmares are made of.

9. The talker

Because I totally want running commentary half way through a kiss and to try to answer the question ‘are you hot, do I turn you on’ when you have your tongue in my mouth.

10. The drooler

Slobbering everywhere and licking parts of your face that have no connection to your lips in any way.

Sticking their tongue in your ear? Nibbling your chin? You’re a human being not an hors d’oeuvre.

11. The hygienist

Because sometimes people get confused between a snog and a session at the dentist – and nothing says turn off like having your molars examined by somebody’s tongue.

12. Eyes wide open

Sure we all like to sneak the odd peak mid snog but having someone eyeballing your every move when you trying to feel the moment is unnerving and categorically not conducive to sexy time.

13. The prude

Open your mouth already.

 

Which do YOU think is the worst kind of kisser?

 

13 Types of Kissers We’ve All Come Across by  was originally published by

7 Things Your Top Sex Dreams Really Mean

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Dreams can tell you a lot about your life.

Ever wake up in the A.M. confused about the crazy sex dream you just had? Before you jump to conclusions—like it’s a sign that you should get a divorce or your hubby is texting another woman—there’s something Ian Wallace, psychologist, dream expert, and author of The Complete A To Z Dictionary Of Dreams: Be Your Own Dream Expert, thinks you should know: Your sex dreams have absolutely nothing to do with, well, having sex at all.

Here’s what they really mean:

  1. Cheating on your husband.

A dream like this often points to an underlying lack of trust, but not in your marriage. “It means that the dreamer is losing faith in their own attractiveness and is experiencing something in their waking life that is making them feel less confident and sure of themselves,” says Wallace. Whether you got shot down after presenting a new idea at work, or that super-fit, has-it-all mom is suddenly making you question everything, Wallace says it’s a sign you’re seeking too much approval from those around you.

  1. Having gay sex—if you’re straight—or straight sex—if you’re gay.

“You’re becoming very comfortable with your body and tolerant about your beliefs, morals, and values as a person.” But that’s not all. Wallace says it also could be a reflection of your adventurous side as a parent, spouse, and employee.

  1. Sex with a person who has no face.

“The face symbolizes identity, so if the person you’re having sex with has no face, it means there’s something you’re constantly being challenged by in your life that you haven’t discovered yet,” says Wallace. In other words, it’s a call to action to look more closely at what could potentially be holding you back so you can fix it, asap.

  1. Best-friend sex.

It might seem weird, but Wallace says fantasies like these come and go when there’s a personality trait you really admire that your best friend has. See? No major problems here. Unless of course your situation is eerily similar to Joey and Rachel’s.

  1. Experiencing an actual orgasm.

If it feels like you’re having an orgasm, it could actually be because you’re getting close to experiencing one physically, according to studies. It’s not just men who get extra excited while catching z’s. Experts say women, too, go through bodily changes—i.e. increase in vaginal lubrication, enlarged clitoris—during the REM stage of sleep that can lead to arousal down there. And if your sex dream happens to coincide with the time that you’re experiencing REM, you’re really in for a treat.

  1. Sex with a co-worker you can’t stand.

In short, you’re super jealous of a work-related talent or skill that this person is good at and are frustrated that they’re excelling at it and you aren’t, says Wallace.

  1. Sex with Bradley Cooper.

Or Becks. Or Leo circa 1997. Besides the possibility that you might just be dreaming out a life-long fantasy of having sex with a hot celeb, Wallace says these kinds of dreams signal that you—like most celebrities—are really good at something in your life and have the ability to gain even more power from it. Lucky you…and Bradley.

 

7 Things Your Top Sex Dreams Really Mean by Kayla Keegan was originally published on Redbook.


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According To Science, Women Enjoy Sex More Than Men Do

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You read that right.

This may come as a surprise to both sexes, but compared to guys, women tend to win the orgasm lottery. At least that’s the finding of a study conducted by Concordia research and published last month in the lyrically named Socioaffective Neuroscience & Psychology journal.

Concordia’s findings were that variety is the spice of a woman’s bedroom life. Unlike men, who are limited to the same old, same old when it comes to the big O, women have remarkable opportunities to get all shivery and shaky from a number of sources.

The study’s authors looked at vaginal and clitoral orgasms. Whether one or the other is real has been debated by sex researchers for years. According to the release that broke down the study results, researchers arrived “at a new understanding of the female orgasm that incorporates the external clitoral glans, the internal region around the G-spot, the cervix and sensory stimulation of non-genital areas such as the nipples.”

Senior study author Jim Pfaus was quoted as saying that through “experience, stimulation of one or all of these triggering zones are integrated into a ‘whole’ set of sensory inputs, movements, body positions, arousals and cues related to context.”

According to Pfaus, the combined inputs “is what reliably induces pleasure and orgasm during masturbation and intercourse” for women.

Even more interesting, Pfaus and his co-authors concluded that the elements that mix to make that magic moment can change over time “as women experience different kinds of orgasms from different types of sensations in different contexts and with different partners.”

Pfaus emphasized that their findings underscored that the assumption a woman’s orgasm is some variation on the male version is dead wrong. “Unlike men,” said Pfaus, “women can have a remarkable variety of orgasmic experiences, which evolve” over time. The landmarks on a map of sweet spots all across a woman’s body “is not etched in stone,” Pfaus said, “but rather is an ongoing process” and determined through experimentation and discovery.

 

Women Enjoy Sex More Than Men Do was originally published on Maxim.


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