Bells are ringing, days are growing shorter, retail prices are being slashed like evergreens after the last Thursday of November. For many this is a time of joy and celebration!
At the same time, some folks might be trying their best to balance their emotional wellbeing with the expectations of the season. If someone has trauma related specifically to the winter holiday months, it can make it even more difficult to fulfill common social expectations like gift exchanges and rsvps. Or if someone is existing with a condition that affects them physically, and is exacerbated when it is cold outside, it can be hard to decorate their home or visit others. Whatever the reason…
I feel personally it is important to remember:
THE. PERIOD. OF. TIME. BETWEEN. NOVEMBER. AND FEBRUARY. SUCKS. FOR. SOME. PEOPLE.
And no matter how decorated the house, joyful the choir, or gay the apparel donned, this season is still a burden for them to endure while also trying not to be a drag on the loved ones around them.
If that is the case for you, or someone beloved within your social or familial circle, it’s okay.
The first part of all of this is recognizing you (or the beloved someone) are not required to be “good” for the comfort of others. It’s okay for y’all to need space, to solidify boundaries, or restrict access to y’all or y’all’s possessions. I’ve definitely been there myself (middle child of 7 in a Catholic family) so if these firm boundaries are necessary for your wellbeing, I’m fucking here for it and you. And if you’re trying your best and dropping any pretense of ignoring the obvious need for your loved ones to GO FUCK THEMSELVES this season, I got you babes.
But if the internal baggage check clears? Here’s some inspiration for a little holiday spice to
sprinkle on the special folks in your life.
Your Sister:
Svakom Limited Edition Unlimited Pleasure Gift Box
Not every set of siblings feel comfortable sharing nitty gritty details on their sex lives. That’s okay! If you do swap filthy tales of debauchery with your sisters, then this chic versatile set isn’t totally out of left field as a gift. The cuffs are cute enough to use for a subtly sexy accessory on date night with the d link chain removed. The dual ended sensory item is the perfect size to pack in a suitcase for vacation (feather tickler to entice, crop to punish), and also comes with a classic blindfold to tie it all together. But the diamond on this cupcake is the Phoenix Neo Interactive App Control Bullet Vibrator. This is an insertable asymetrical egg shaped vibe that makes discreet g spot stimulation easy as tapping your phone screen. Rechargeable with intense power wrapped up in sleek design, it leaves other regions of the body open for penetration! Secure your status as favorite sibling with this all in one kit for $108, but maybe take the goodies out of the box first so they fit in a stocking? Don’t want to make everyone jealous!
Your cousin’s girlfriend:
Miracle Oil
They’ve broken up six times in the last year and you’re honestly surprised either of them showed up but fuck it, it’s the holidays! This inexpensive oil is a soothing solution for folks with dry winter (or year round) skin and can be safely used around tattoos or piercings! While hemp oil is only one of the many nourishing essential oils, it’s a cute wink-n- nod to that one holiday y’all took a walk around the block and smoked a joint, guaranteed to fly under the radar of some of the more conservative relatives.
Your Brother’s Husband:
Pure Instinct True Blue Pheromone Infused Body Lotion
Is your BIL already a devout believer in pheromone products? Or is he just waiting to develop an obsession? Whether for romance or just the perception of charisma and power in professional settings, pheromone products make a lovely, unique gift just on the edge of saucy. While you may not quite “get” the science behind it, it makes some folks feel more confident and who wants to bitch about that? Besides who among us doesn’t have a healing crystal or two on their bookshelf? Pure Instincts entire line of products has fragrance profiles for everyone, regardless of gender or presentation but the True Blue scent with “Australian mango, mandarin, cinnamon & honey, white musk” combined with a hydrating and protective lotion is honestly the best. It makes a wonderful base layer of scent for the beginning of the day but can be utilized for a sensual massage after dark. Only $14 for an 8oz bottle so you can feel like a smart frugal bitch privately but flaunt your excellent taste in gift giving publicly.
Your Mother:
Rechargeable Kegel Ball Advanced
Someone doesn’t have to have given birth to be a mother to you. But everyone should be doing kegels (pelvic floor exercise that improves bladder control and can improve sexual response) in a safe controlled way (remember our previous discussion on the harmful effects of improper form?) And if someone has a mental block to exercise or below the belt self analysis, it can be helpful to make the activity fun! This $49 internal vibe has 12 different speeds and patterns controlled by a single button on the retrieval cord. It can also be turned on, held in the palm against the clit as part of the “warm up” process or used internally without vibrations if the user is determined to finish their workout without climaxing. Coated in silicone for easy cleaning (water based lube only for insertion!). And PLEASE make sure your mom knows it is not recommended to be inserted rectally. “Bad things happen when good men say nothing.”
Your Spouse
Pjur Original Concentrated Silicone Personal Lubricant
This product is here because honestly it totally is going in my partner’s stocking. If we’re having sex I expect nothing but the best touching my bits. And in my personal experience, there’s nothing like dumping some Pjur silicone lubricant down your tits and gliding up and down your partner’s body, building heat while coating you both in some shiny hypoallergenic goodness before transitioning in to sex easily, no need to clean up and swap products. I’ve tried to make it work with other lubes but they dried out and got sticky too fast. Itchy pussy was never worth risking it with massage products, so Pjur Silicone lube has the best of both worlds. And since it’s compatible with the Curve dildo by Tantus, my man can rest easy knowing his favorite toy is safe from harm.
About the Author
Rune Longoria is a queer, trans, Latin@ sex educator and intimacy consultant based on the border of Texas and Mexico. With 10 years of community health, LGBTQIA+, reproductive justice advocacy and education behind them, their goal is to empower and inspire ALL people to claim their pleasure radically and acknowledge consent openly, in every avenue of life. They also would appreciate including that asexuality is a spectrum that deserves acknowledgment and support within the pleasure industry.
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