Welcome to a safe space where we can chat about sexual health and wellness, candid talk with direct language and straightforward responses to your questions.
“Touching yourself in this way is a revolutionary act. It’s bold, powerful, valuable! …This is your body– yours to know, yours to please, yours to love.”
L’s question: How do you start… you know… touching yourself?
Such a brave question!
How do you feel about your body? That’s a good question to ask yourself. Some women only touch themselves to wash in the shower and that’s it. Before we can get down with the big O, we might have to first practice some sensual self love.
Try standing in front of the mirror and giving yourself compliments. Start fully clothed if that is easier, or maybe in your favorite underwear (more on lingerie in another post).
“OOoooooh, woman! You are hot!”
“Your hair is gorgeous today.”
Sashay away and back again. Toss your hair. Wink at yourself. Be playful. Be silly. Flirt with that woman in the mirror. She is sexy!
“What are you doing later?”
“Meet me back here after ________, and I’ll treat you like the queen you are.”
Now plan for your date with that fine woman, and don’t stand her up!
Pick up some flowers while you’re out because she deserves them. Take a shower. Shave if that’s your thing. Pour a beverage, have a snack, and meet yourself in bed.
Don’t go directly to the clitoris! Take it easy. Slow down. Take some time running your hands over the surface of all your skin.
Start on your face with your fingertips. Gently touch your cheeks and your lips. Did you know your ears are erogenous zones filled with sensory receptors? Spend some time there… touching. Imagine warm lips… soft breath… teeth nibbling on your earlobes. Mmmmm…
Move your hand to your neck. Hover there. Close enough to feel the heat between your hand and your throat. The tiniest amount of pressure on the arteries under your jawline can feel exhilarating. Press gently. Feel your pulse. Is it quickening?
Now your arms. Use one hand to caress your opposite arm. Drag your fingers gently across the surface, or harder if you like. Experiment with pressure or nails. What feels good? What do you like? Take time on your wrists and the inside of your elbows. These are sensitive spots. Imagine your fingers are someone else’s tongue. (Anyone! It’s your imagination.)
Once you’ve taken the time on both arms, move your hands to your breasts. Cup them in your palms. They are perfect! Shhhhhhh… Quiet that critical voice; there’s no room for that here. Take the time to explore them. Press them together, massage them, squeeze them. What feels good? How does it feel when you touch your nipples? When you brush your palms over them… when you roll them between your fingers, softly, then pinching them between your thumb and forefinger. Take your time. How do you like it?
That beverage you brought with you to the bed… is it beaded with condensation? If you run your fingers along the side of the glass, are they wet? Cold? How does it feel to touch your skin now? Is there an ice cube that you could use to draw a line from your chest to your navel? How do the drops feel tracing rivulets down your sides? Don’t worry about the sheets. They will dry. Stick with the sensations of your beautiful body.
You deserve this. You are worth it. Push your fingers between your legs and separate your thighs. Those delicious thighs. Spread them apart. Treat them with the same care and love that you did your arms. Gentle fingertips or nails grazing the surface… squeezing the flesh in your hands. If you like sharper sensations, try a pinch or a slap in this delicate area. You get to decide what you like. No one is here to judge you. This is your date with your body. Shame is not invited.
Try rolling onto your stomach. Lie flat or arch your back to raise your hips off the bed, and reach around to the back. All that ass is yours. Love it. Right now, it is the most beautiful ass in the world. Tell yourself.
Are you flexible? Can you caress your legs? Reach down or up or around and give them the love that they deserve. Now is not the time to criticize or critique. Roll around in the sheets. Feel the texture on your skin. Enjoy this moment with yourself. Love your beautiful body.
We haven’t even gotten to the vulva– the place where your clitoris lives. That is a whole blog to itself! But we will. We will do it together next time. But don’t wait for me; by all means, continue the exploration without my help. Take your time; try different pressures and speeds. Investigate, experiment. Maybe report back and let me know how it went.
Touching yourself in this way is a revolutionary act. It’s bold, powerful, valuable! Maybe someone in your life has shamed you for it. They can f*ck off. This is your body– yours to know, yours to please, yours to love.
Knowing your own body and what you like has so many benefits! It is a form of self-care and self-love, yes. It relieves stress, helps you sleep, releases endorphins… It will also make you a better lover to another.
Honestly, it will make you more powerful outside of the bedroom as well. If you make time for sensuous self-dates like the one above, you will carry the confidence you are inevitably developing into all areas of your life. Start with you.
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